When favouritism quietly crosses the line

By Rukmini Paarivel

Favouritism at work isn’t something new. It happens, and in many ways, it’s only human. We all naturally connect with certain people more than others.

Managers, too, tend to lean on team members they’re comfortable with, those who share similar working styles or have built trust over time. When it’s kept in check, this kind of preference doesn’t always cause harm.

But sometimes, without meaning to, it goes further than just favouring someone. It turns into something that feels very different and not in a good way.

It often starts with small things.

One person makes a mistake and gets a gentle nudge to fix it. “No worries, we’ll sort it out,” the boss says with a smile. Another person slips up in a similar way but is met with a raised voice, a disappointed tone, or a remark made in front of the whole team.

Over time, this becomes a pattern that feels personal, even if no one ever says it out loud.

For the person on the receiving end, it’s not just about the moment of being scolded. It’s about what comes after. The lingering self-doubt. The nervousness before meetings. The sinking feeling every time they see the boss’s name pop up on the screen.

They begin to second-guess their work, even if they used to be confident. Some may try harder, working longer hours to avoid criticism. Others may grow quiet, shrinking back so they’re less visible.

All of this slowly chips away at a person’s confidence, and that’s where it begins to resemble something more serious; bullying.

And here’s the thing. The favourites in this dynamic aren’t doing anything wrong. They’re just doing their jobs, the same as everyone else. The issue isn’t them.

It’s when a leader treats kindness as something that only a few deserve, and gives coldness or criticism to the rest.

Leadership is not about treating everyone exactly the same, because people are different. But it is about treating everyone with the same respect and fairness. That means holding space for people to make mistakes without fear of public shame.

It means having the self-awareness to notice if you’re speaking more harshly to one person than others. It means remembering that what may seem like a small moment to you could stay with someone for a very long time.

People don’t often remember what was said word for word. But they do remember how they felt. And the feeling of being constantly blamed, overlooked, or made to feel lesser than your peers, that stays.

Great leaders aren’t measured by how well they get along with a few, but by how safe and respected everyone feels under their guidance. Because in the end, it’s not about having favourites. It’s about never turning someone else into a target.